SAYING GOODBYE TO MY DAD !!

My dad was my idol,the man I loved with all my heart we laughed ,we played and we talked for 30 years of my life......

Dad was only 51 when he had severe pains in his stomach,diagnosed as Apendicitis ,unfortunately it turned out to be Cancer of the Stomach and Bowel and mum was told he had 5 years to live ,she never told me or anyone else and I was oblivious to the severity of dads illness..through it all he never said 'Why me?' he bore it with strength and fortitude.

I was about to give birth to my first son during the time of his first operation and I think that gave him the strength to fight the Cancer..His very first Grandson,as time went on dispite his pain he doted on him and it was a sad day for dad when I moved north to marry for the second time,although he never said so I know he didnt want me to go but told my new husband that as long as I was happy that was all he ever wanted..so off I went to the NE and settled into my second marriage.leaving Mum to cope alone with Dad.. .If Mum had told me that dads Cancer was terminal I would never have left home at that time.

Two years passed and I had another son who Dad only saw twice before he was taken really ill and underwent yet another operation ( the 8th) this time I realised it was bad..but still Mum didnt tell me it was terminal and I was so convinced that Dad would get better that I didnt think about my Idol leaving me.

We visited home late in 1979 ,just after dad came out of hospital...he was wel enough to return to his Job ,a job he loved and which was kept open for him over the long years of his illness.....The day we left Dad stood on the kerbside waving and something told me I wasnt ever going to see him again....I cried for 320 miles until we arrived home ,I was distraught ....two weeks later to the day ,I had a call at 7am ...could I come home Dad had suffered a rectal hemerrage ,I had two kids packed and in the car within an hour..we drove as fast as we could but arrived an hour after he died...he couldnt wait any longer...5 years of suffering ended,I regret not being there for him and for mum during that last two weeks. of his life....the last memory of my Dad is of him standing waving on the kerbside...happy,going back to work, despite everything my darling dad never stopped smiling, and I never got to tell him how much I loved him before he died .....he lost his fight on 7th November 1979 aged 59 ...RIP Dad I will always love you XX

Dad...so many images come to mind
whenever I speak your name;
It seems without you in my life
things have never been the same.

What happened to those lazy days
when I was just a child;
When my life was consumed in you
in your love, and in your smile.

What happened to all those times
when I always looked to you;
No matter what happened in my life
you could make my gray skies blue.

Dad, some days I hear your voice
and turn to see your face;
Yet in my turning...it seems
the sound has been erased.

Dad, who will I turn to for answers
when life does not make sense;
Who will be there to hold me close
when the pieces just don't fit.

Oh, Dad, if I could turn back time
and once more hear your voice;
I'd tell you that out of all the dads
you would still be my choice.

Please always know I love you
and no one can take your place;
Years may come and go
but your memory will never be erased